Trevor and I have always been great at communicating. Sometimes we communicate so well that we stay up too late talking about your days, our future, our families, and our dreams until we doze off.
They say that a key to a solid relationship is communication. In the almost 8 years that we've been together, I can count the number of times we've raised our voices at one another on a single hand. We just don't fight. And when we do, we don't fight dirty.
How could that be? Well, we talk about things before they grow out of control and to the point that we want to yell at each other.
Do we disagree?
UM, HELLO! WE'RE HUMAN! Of course we do! On top of it, we're complete opposites so we tend to "agree to disagree" often.
Yet, we still don't have issues with that. We respect each other as adults, students, children, spouses, and partners.
I thought I'd share a marriage tool with you today that has drastically improved what we communicate about and has in turn strengthened our marriage more than I thought was possible. We use this tool once a week - on Sundays - but you can use it as much as you want {once a day if you really need to work on your communication!}.
You're going to need to set aside time for this. Not hours by any means, but you want to dedicate enough time so that your relationship is being nurtured For us, sometimes we start these questions first thing on Sunday morning and slowly work through them during the day {on the drive to church, while waiting in line, over lunch, etc}. Other weeks, we do them all at once while laying in bed Sunday night. Do what works for you and your significant other.
Here's what you'll need to do, it's simple!
Listen with open ears and an open mind. Speak with an open mind and an open heart.
Ask each other these questions and don't be surprised when they lead into much more deep conversations - in fact, that's what makes them so useful!
1) Tell me about your week/day/however long it's been since you last did these questions. {For Trevor and I, it's "Tell me about your week.".}
This helps us get up to speed on what happened during the week with the other person. Most of the time, he's at school until late and I'm already in bed when he gets home because I get up for work at 4:30am.
2) Tell me about your upcoming week.
It's nice to hear what your partner is going to be doing for the next seven days! For us, since I work an irregular schedule, it's helpful to know when I'm going to be getting up early and when I'm going to be home for dinner. It's just a quick run down of what your calendars say. This is usually when we compare what nights we have off together and pick one of them to be our date night or movie night.
3) How did I make you feel loved last week? What would you like me to continue doing?
This is your chance to tell your loved one what they did right and if you want it to be done again. If you're familiar with each other's love languages, you'll see a lot of that in this question.
4) What can I do for you this week to make you feel loved? Be specific with time of day/methods of how you can make the other feel loved.
You may find this question awkward at first because you're basically telling your loved one exactly what you want them to do to make you feel loved but ladies, let's face it, our husbands/boyfriends can't read minds and they need us to explicitly tell them what they can do for us. You'll get better at this question as time goes on and you see what a difference it makes in they way they show love towards you.
5) What can we work on together?
This self explanatory, but it's just a time to set goals for your interactions for the week.
6) What should we work on when it comes to sex/intimacy?
Yes, Trevor and I routinely talk about what goes on between the sheets - it's important! We talk about what worked really well for us the past week and what we want to try to incorporate for the next seven days. This question isn't limited to sex alone - if you have concerns or comments about PDA, lack of kissing, etc. now is the time to bring it up!
We go through the questions in order but alternate answering them. I'll ask Trevor #1, then he'll answer and ask me the same question. Then he'll ask me #2, I'll answer and then ask him. Then I'll ask him #3, he'll answer and ask me. So on and so forth.
Do you see how those questions can lead into much more thought provoking discussion? I can't stress enough that you need to set aside ample time to get through the six questions - it's worth it!
Try out the questions with your spouse or significant other and let me know how they work out for you! If you make communication a priority your relationship will improve and you will be happier in it.
