My parents are divorced. My mom is remarried to {obviously} my step-dad. My dad has been dating someone for a lonnnnng time but they're not married - yet.
The summer between fifth and sixth grade is when we moved out of our house. My mom took us and we moved closer to school, my dad moved to another town.
To say it was a messy divorce is putting it lightly. It was the kind of divorce that you hope you never see - mom and dad putting the kids in the middle, nobody is talking to anyone, the kids are old enough to know what's going on but still too young to be independent. Ugh, it was messy. Like massacre, blood dripping down the walls, scream your head off kind of messy.
To top it off, I started middle school. Kind of an awkward time, no?
It took a year to get settled in the new life - middle school and only seeing Mom for dinner... and then towards the end of seventh grade my mom decided it was time to move again!
This time, we moved an hour away. New school, new people, new city, new places to shop, new places to eat. New, new, new. It just so happened that I kind of really liked my old friends. I was part of the popular crowd and I thought I had figured out how to navigate the tween and early teen years.
So I was plopped down in a town that I hated before I even got there. My mom's boyfriend {now husband} taught at the school that I was going to for eighth grade - even worse than I ever expected it to be - and I had to emotionally hide myself from my peers so they wouldn't find out.
Oh, what a challenge that was. I can't say that I have too many memories of the school I attended for one year and the ones I do have aren't too great.
Moving far enough away that my old friends couldn't visit was bad enough, but the new city, new people, and the new school put me over the edge. My brain just blocked most of it out. It's like I have a black void where those years are in my mind.
I can't say that I bounced back and recovered right away in high school. It probably took a good six or seven years for me to come to terms with the transition and the choices my mom made for us.
My takeaway from all of this? Don't uproot a kid when they're going through so many changes on their own {body wise, friend wise, and school wise}! That single change of switching towns and schools has completely changed me - completely. I never would have met my husband if we wouldn't have moved and I never would have graduated early from high school if I stayed in my old town. Some really great things came from it, but it takes hindsight to see it.
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That does sound like it was a painful process to have to go through on so many levels.
ReplyDeleteWe moved to a new neighborhood when I was 8 years old, and it was in a developing area so school boundaries changed each year. Having gone to 7 different elementary schools...I hear you about newness and being uprooted. It does have a life-long impact on a person.
Wow!! I moved when I was 10 1/2, but it was because my dad got a new job and we had to move with him. I'm glad some good came out of your move-meeting your husband.
ReplyDeleteBlargh - that sounds like it was a rough go of it! What a lot of changes at the same time!
ReplyDeleteThat is such a hard age for us anyways without adding in all the extra stress and drama. My son is 13 years old, but my ex-husband and I divorced when he was just 3 so he really doesn't have any memories of mom and dad being together. And the two of us have always strived to not put him in the middle and to consider him first in most decisions that we make. I have been fortunate to have a very amicable relationship with my ex-husband. I am sorry that you had to go through all of that, but glad some good come from it. We are always pushed in a particular direction for a reason, even if it is not immediately obvious.
ReplyDeleteI remember moving often as a child when my parents split up. It was very difficult, but I wouldn't change it any day. We grow and learn from our mistakes and others.
ReplyDeleteSounds really rough, I'm sorry :( We moved to an entirely different city when I was around that age, and it really messed me up. I can't imagine my parents getting divorced at the same time--we were all experiencing enough stress as it was!
ReplyDeleteFound your blog via the Aloha blog hop and am a new follower. Come check me out at preppypremed.blogspot.com. Thanks, and looking forward to reading your blog! :)
--Becky
Thanks ladies, for your support. It really means a lot to have my internet family say such wonderful things and have gone through similar experiences to relate.
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